My latest short film: 'Meatballs'

Hi all! We recently released our new short film to the world, and after receiving such kind, and more importantly, honest feedback when I posted my last short here, I thought I'd do the same for this one. I'd love to hear how it holds up both on its own and by comparison to my last solo work 'Alienation or (The Importance of Loneliness)', especially now coming back as a co-director with the supremely funny Dave Litchfield.

Here's the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9fJKTrsQxU

Here's the film:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHFWsBn3wKU

And here's the gag reel, because why not live a little:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uEfv5O1RuQ

Thank you so much, we love hearing you guys' feedback and we appreciate it so much. Enjoy!

Jamie.

Comments

  • EDIT: I don't know why the icon on the film is not appearing here, but if you click on it, then the film loads just fine. 

  • Any takers? 

  • It really didn't grab me on multiple levels.

    Story-wise, I felt like it was trying a bit too hard to be funny.  The cutaway shots to the thug who brought the kid in (starting at 2:32) felt like an afterthought, partly because what he was doing didn't match up with the surrounding shots, and they detracted from the mafia boss' story.  One shot he's tearing apart a loaf of bread, then the bread isn't even in his hands, and now he's crumbling it, and then the bread is gone again, and the next thing we know he's wearing an apron and carrying a plate full of meatballs.  And all through this we hear someone singing, but it didn't click for me until the boss puts his hand on the guy's shoulder that it was the thug who was singing.  And then there was the meatball pile that kept growing, and the meatball story that didn't have any impact for me whatsoever.

    There were similar issues with other parts of the story, but I don't have the time to pull it apart.  I mean, at one level I think I kinda know what kind of humor you were going for with this thing, but it just wasn't working for me.  I think the best way to describe the issues is with the word "random."  There's humor that purposefully ties in with the story and what the characters are doing, and then there's humor that's just random odd stuff that kind of connects, but largely doesn't.  I don't feel that random humor is nearly as funny as humor with a purpose, and unfortunately it felt like a lot of the sight gags in this were more random humor than purposeful humor.

    There were tech issues as well.  Recording in that warehouse-like space could've been done better.  Levels were inconsistent, and several of the lines were difficult to hear because of bad mic placement that picked up more room noise than dialog.

    I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope that it's useful for you.

  • Hi @jsbarrett,

    Thanks for the feedback - it's always welcome, whether good or bad! I can agree with you on the sound issues; that's something we cocked up on this film and something we've rectified on the next one.

    I must, however, defend the humour - not our writing per se, as that's of course down to opinion, but in the style. We'll be the first to admit that this is some variation on 'dumb comedy',  and as such I'd embrace the word 'random' to describe it - the jokes are weird and the humour is slapstick but that's what we were going for.

    Thanks so much for the feedback though, it really makes us think about how to better ourselves and our writing for when the next opportunity comes along - thanks!

    J.

  • @jammiepitt Great work, this is a quirky and amusing short, I really enjoyed it and could tell you had a lot of fun making it. I would agree there are slight audio issues in the first half where the music drowns out the dialogue slightly but don't worry - this takes A LOT of practice to get right (I've been there!) and it doesn't take anything away from the overall piece. Keep it up, I look forward to seeing what else you do!

  • @JMcAllister thank you!

    @EvangelineWilliams thanks so much, we did indeed have a lot of fun making it, and we learnt a lot of lessons which we fully intend to apply to the next one!

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