This is my entry to the 2017 Filmsupply Challenge. Category was advertisement (public information).
I didn't come close to winning, but I had some fun with grading, overlays, flares and colour correction. Also a bit of fun with time reverse.
Interesting way to tell a story, but it's quite effective! I have a tendency to offer feedback when it's not requested, so I'll refrain unless you want it.
I really like the concept of overlaying the past story with what seems to be a shot of the present. You definitely managed to tell the story you needed to in that minute
You effectively conveyed the message. Nothing was ambiguous.
nice job, I would have added some “noise” or something to the opacity to give it a little more life, but other than that great job!
WOW! Really interesting, great idea. Very cinematic and some great visuals. One thing that might be interesting to try is having the man react to his actions as they happen- idk, maybe that'd be weird, but judging by my attempts at films I probably should stay shut.... anyway, great job!
Very interesting, thanks for sharing. You gave me a number of ideas for techniques I should be exploring, and persuaded me I need to spend much more time in the User Gallery of the forum.
As for feedback, the best I can suggest is the reminder that there are dense folks on the Internuts. Don't ask me how I know this.
I was immediately pulled in to the visual effects of the clip, but didn't really get what it was about until the very end. I may not yet totally get it. Perhaps you might add a few more clues, maybe in the sound track?
Those quibbles aside, I found the clip quite engaging, nice job.
@jsbarrett Delighted if you would!
Sorry Ididn't mention it, but I'm always open to feedback. Can't improve unless you know what is/isn't working!
Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for your comments everyone. @PhilTanny noted. I will think about that one. Perhaps a verbal introduction or @behind_the_lens Agreed! The stock footage was a requirement of the production but I agree entirely with your fantastic idea. That would have been a game changer.
Perhaps a monologue from the guy's perspective would have improved things within the limitations of the competition.
I'm not sure I agree with the idea of adding a monologue. Part of what makes this work so well (for me) is that it's pure visual storytelling. Sometimes things are unclear with visuals alone, and a narration track helps to demystify those unclear parts, but to me everything was clear. If you can successfully tell the story without [insert element here], then leave it out. Let the audience put the pieces together and the message will be that much stronger.
As for my comments, I've only got a couple re: some technical stuff. One is re: the second scene (about 0:03), where the woman is (I'm guessing) being spun in a grocery cart. The man's overlay jumps at one point during that scene. I'm guessing it's a cut in the footage or something, but it sticks out a bit too much to me. There are a couple other points later in the video where I think you're using more of a ping-pong approach to reverse his footage once you get to the end, which isn't as jarring.
0:12 - Next is the push into the headlights. The scale/zoom of the footage starts very abruptly. Using Smooth or Manual Bezier keyframes would help to make this transition more gradual.
0:44 - When the scene transitions from the hospital room to the water(?) drops, the man becomes almost invisible, but then his transparency shifts back to a more visible state a couple seconds later. This almost feels like a mistake, and would probably work better if the transparency were compensated at the same time as the underlying scene change.
The only part of the everything-is-transparent approach that I don't feel is as successful as the rest is the closing title, "Please Drive Safely." I'd make that fully opaque once it fades in. The slow fade works great, just have it end at 100% opacity.
As far as the edit of the underlying scenes goes, one place that might benefit with a tweak is inside the hospital. Overall I like how we have plenty of time to absorb each of the underling shots, but to me there are two shots that feel a bit long on their own: at 0:21 watching the hospital folks run the gurney down the hall, and right after that where we're seeing the ceiling go by. If these were intercut a bit over that same 12-second time frame -- gurney/ceiling/gurney instead of just gurney/ceiling -- it might help the pace at that part.
Loved it. I agree with jsbarrett’s comments. My only comment is that text seems to be just off centre to the left in the frame(?)
@jsbarrett I agree entirely. A bit more attention to the details would have made a big difference, and you spotted all the things that I spotted after submitting it, and a couple more.
Good call on the hospital shot. I agree it would have added to the piece.
I had to use ping pong on the clip as the reverse function in HF2 is not a true reverse. I tried to use cut scenes but in the end had to go with reverse as I just couldn't get the cuts to transition seamlessly. I missed the one at the beginning, which again I spotted after submission. Well spotted and I am grateful for your comments.
@godofthunder Oh dear. That is a bit remiss. The denouement and it's off kilter. Duh! Thanks for pointing it out. I'll take more care next time.
BTW didn't realise this was stock footage when I wrote my comment
@Behind_The_Lens no worries. I agree your suggestion would have elevated it massively, so will look out for a way to make that happen in the next one.
A couple of things..
Not 100% sure what the honey-like drips are but I might have missed something.The music might have fit the mood a little better (stock music as well?)
A few people have suggested not needing a monologue and I completely agree. An amazingly well told story with the visuals alone (given it's stock footage it's astonishing). I try (but often fail_) to follow the advice in Scott McCloud's Making Comics which seems to fit well with filmmaking as well.
Sign in to comment